The booze train !!!!

So I've Been told to avoid alcohol since my diagnosis of PBC !

I always knew I drank to much , but never enough to let it worry me.

My Doc tells me I can consume it  moderately on"special occasions" , but to a person who sees every weekend as a special occasion , how does one make a wise judgement?

Please keep in mind, I don't have this disease from alcohol!

I was watching RPA the other day .

 A 27 year old woman with one child has PSC. She needs a liver transplant. Watching her go through the raw honesty of needing a transplant made me scared, white as a ghost, poo my pants a little!!!

I hope I will never face that option, but there is a chance I will.

I never considered myself an alcoholic. I've always loved the odd drop or 19 of wine in my time. But never thought I relied on it.

Since going through diagnosis, and being told to avoid alcohol, I've recently discovered I do in fact have an issue with alcohol.

It was either my relaxation device, or my way to socialise.

I've find it extremely to hard to relax now after a hard shift at work. I can no longer shake off the what personal drama went down , no longer able to drown out the emotions I feel!

I also find myself now struggling to socialise.

Don't get me wrong, I still go out for awesome dinners with my girls (whom have been an amazing support to me ) .

 Yet , I still feel not myself.

The old drunk, funny but obnoxious me has disappeared with my wine.. And I'm not happy about it..

I want my wine and money back . 

I am certainly not the same party girl my friends signed me up for.  I'm sure they miss her, some probably don't..  But I know ,I do !

I haven't lost my humour, yet it takes me longer to find it.

I have never gone through withdrawal symptoms since quitting booze, never had the shakes, cold sweats or gone to desperate measures to get my hands on it!

I have however had a few times where I've had a couple of drinks, just longing for my old life. Unfortunately for me, its had no effect and only made me feel crappy for days afterwards !

I cant help but compare myself to P!NK's brilliant song "Sober"

"How do I feel this good sober?"